Saturday was my first day off after four strait shifts. So I came into work last night in a great mood, well rested and rejuvenated. Last night's shift was pretty uneventful; the kind of night you pray for. I was on top of everything and ahead of schedule (a huge rarity). The only issue with nights like that is you have too much time to think.
Since Christmas, I've watched two people pass and had to send two more back out to the Emergency Department. In the quiet last night I started thinking about those four patients. Instantly, my mood went down hill. I remembered the tears "Mrs. Jones" cried over her husband of 65 years after he was pronounced. I thought of the crack in her voice when I had to call "Mr. Smith's" daughter, who is in NY for school, and tell her he was unresponsive and sent back to the ER. This train of thought led me to one conclusion. I can't be the only one this effects in this way. It is a common fact that nursing is not a career you can do for money. You have to do it because you love it. If this is true, then everyone else MUST be effected by this. Right?
I came home at midnight and immediately went to google. The results shocked me. I was so certain there had to be tons of articles and studies discussing the emotional and psychological impact of being a nurse. Apparently, I was wrong. I did find a few, so they are out there, but none to the extent I expected. Here is a link to a study performed by the Agency of Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ) discussing Work Stress and Burnout Among Nurses. It's 22 pages so I know most people won't read all of it, but even if you were to just skim through the pages there's a lot to learn.
The lack of results baffles me. I'm on a mission to prove I'm not the only one. All nurses have one thing in common, we are human. I am a pretty well composed person. After receiving the news my own father, whom I was VERY close to, passed it took me days to cry and I refused to do it in front of anyone. So, if my new career has such an exponential impact on me, it has to do the same to others. I am starting research of my own. I will interview each one of my coworkers, all with different years of experience and different fields of nursing under their belts, and see how they are impacted. I can't wait to share the results with all of you.
Great post: you show the emotions involved in taking care of sick people. Of course it's rough. My mom's a nurse in a setting exactly like yours, and she was a military nurse for 20 years, too. When I read your blog it automatically reminds me of her experiences as a nurse during Vietnam. She worked on the "amputee" ward...I don't think she was ever the same.
ReplyDeleteHave you checked out the NOVA library databases for articles in science/nursing/education? Also, there is a great journal, the Online Journal for Issues in Nursing: check out their link: http://nursingworld.org/OJIN
I have been seriously considering a career in nursing for sometime now, and I appreciate your point of view on this career choice.
ReplyDeleteI am actually looking at specializing in surgical medicine, and had not put a lot of thought into the down side of it all. After reading your post, it made me think that in all aspects of nursing death it probable. Thank you for your perspective on this career choice.
Hi Nicky- No, I seriously dbout you are the only one, but maybe one of the first few to voice the internal struggle on the web. Kudos to you for choosing such a brave topic. I think that those of us who go into the Nursing field do so because it is a calling and we are compassionate people to begin with.
ReplyDeleteI seriously hope that major hospitals and organizations offer counseling services to their employees. I know that one non-medical employeer I had in the past had such a program. I'd really love to see you interview some other nurses, maybe in geriatrics, and see how they cope with it as well. Until then, hang in there and remember that you can't solve everything, but at least you are one of the people brave enough to try.